• Actors are props with dialogue.
• Beat to fit, paint to match.
• If force doesn't work, you're not using enough.
• Done is best.
• An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills.
• And on the first day the lord said... L X 1, GO! and there was light.
• It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
• EVERY theater company mirrors the Muppet show. Think about it.
• John Wilkes Boothe should have shot an actor...
• Love-it, Lock-it, Leave-it, NEXT...
• Let the actors finish it.
• I don't make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations.
• Hmmm. What would a smart guy do?
• Our techies practice safe sets and Techies do it on cue.
• Work sucks. I'm going to the theatre.
• Life's a stage and we're constantly changing the scenery.
• Extras are props that eat...
• Umm, 'scuze me, your techies are showing...!
• If we could read minds, we wouldn't need headsets.
• Hey, I forgot my cue sheet, oh well, I'll make it up. I wonder if they'll notice?

(thank you to Rebecca Phillips for sending these)

• Audio Manager: person who stands at the back of the room staring at a board with countless knobs, screaming: "Where is that ringing coming from? It wasn't there a minute ago!"

From Ricky Bach